Hallmark Holidaze: Movie Reviews from The Heart or Something

  Holiday Movie Checklist: A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene A flirty snowball fight A flirty cookie or gingerbread decorating scene Workaholic woman or man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas Unexplainable magical item that imbues people with the holiday spirit and changes lives Where do you think they hid the carrot???  Synopsis: Yes, dear readers, we have deviated from our beloved Hallmark channel and veered into Netflix Holiday territory!  Contrary to popular belief, Hot Frosty is not a porn. Thanks to a strategically placed magical scarf and a tragic widow (cue the sad trumpets), our search history has been forever tarnished by Netflix's latest rom-com romp through mounds of fake snow and Christmas cheer.  The wikipedia description of this cinematic masterpiece is something that I can't really improve upon so I am leaving it below for all of you to enjoy. "On Christmas Eve, the town gathers at the diner. Kathy's speech is interrupted whe...

  Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Single dad with a precocious child and a heart of gold Under the mistletoe make-out scene A flirty Christmas Tree Decorating Scene We're all for Christmas but how many damn trees does one room need? Synopsis: Kat is, apparently, an esteemed astrophysicist who was supposed to go on an unknown mission to space but a car accident gives her black dotted vision and so she decides to move home and volunteer at the local planetarium, where she has to come up with a Christmas exhibit for the Planetarium (after watching the movie, we still don't know what that is either) with David, a stuffy single father.   Also there is a side plot with her unemployed brother (Andy) who may or not harbor dreams of being an event planner or a graphic designer and lives with his parents and falls for a gift shop employee while they are planning an event for kids.  Favorite Line: "Science Stuff."- an astrophysicist referring to her work.   Ran...

  Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit Phone call or conversation that is overheard, misinterpreted, forcing character to leave true love behind Uses picking out a Christmas tree as a metaphor for finding love A Christmas music montage with characters doing Christmas-y things Workaholic woman who no longer believes in love or the magic of Christmas This is NOT the sequel I was hoping to get. - Brandon Routh Synopsis: Disclaimer: The only reason why we chose to review this movie is because Beth and I wrote a review about the original move, The Nine Lives of Christmas , back when this blog was in its infancy with zero readers. I apologize to the friends I made sit through the sequel as I don't think any amount of alcohol helped us make sense of the plot. Zachary is still a lifelong bachelor/firefighter/contractor house flipper (we are STILL confused on how he manages to do both, but whatevs) and Marilee is now a workah...

Hallmark Tagline: "There's no place like home- especially Elvis' home." No. Just no. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A flirty snowball fight A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene A flirty cookie or gingerbread decoration scene A flirty ice skating scene Big, looming corporation that threatens to either build some sort of development on precious town land or close down a treasured local business by Christmas Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit Fancy running into you here at Graceland, ex-boyfriend from 3rd grade.  Synopsis: Laurel is the VP of some sort of Chicago based company that has no clear purpose except for buying beloved local banks by Christmas Eve. While on a business trip to Memphis, she closes no deals but she does prance around Graceland with her precocious daughter and her concert promoting ex-boyfriend, Clay .  Handsome, rice crispy baking Clay is great with kids, throws Christmas Eve concerts an...

"It's Christmas, Eve" tagline: "This Christmas, unfinished business becomes the greatest gift she never expected." We still don't know what her unfinished business was. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit A character named after some sort of Christmas derivative Workaholic woman or man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene Character rediscovers her/his love of Christmas through singing A bitch fight over a Christmas tree leads to love.  Synopsis: An interim superintendent, Eve Morgan , is hired 10 days before Christmas to make massive budget cuts for the school district of Franklin without oversight, public voting or state approval. Coincidently, Franklin is also her hometown! What are the odds?! While not doing any actual work for this position, Eve falls in love with a single father who teaches music at the school she i...

Fios Description of Christmas at Pemberley Manor: A rich man falls back in love with Christmas and a party planner. We wanted to include the tagline here, as in previous blog posts, but we couldn't find one and chose the grammatically incorrect Fios description instead. You're welcome. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year  Workaholic woman or man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene A man who may or may not be the REAL Santa Big, looming corporation that is a threat to small-town life because they want to either build some sort of development on precious town land or close down a treasured local business and/or factory by Christmas Those pink knitted reindeer things will haunt my dreams. Synopsis: Hallmark kicks off their holiday season by re-telling one of the most epic love stories in literary history. Wh...

Switched for Christmas  tagline:  "This holiday Candice Cameron Bure and Candice Cameron Bure star as twins who swap lives and discover Christmas is better when they work together." Boy, Hallmark is getting lazier with their taglines. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year  Workaholic woman/man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas A Christmas music montage with characters doing Christmas-y things A gingerbread house or cookie decorating scene Under the mistletoe make-out scene A flirty ice-skating scene The look of loathing on Happy the dog's face is the same one we all wore while watching this movie. Synopsis: Full disclosure, there were six of us watching Switched at Christmas and copious amounts of red wine were consumed (see picture below). There was a lot of laughter, disbelief ...

Coming Home for Christmas  tagline:  "Danica McKellar is decking the halls and Neil Bledsoe could really use some holiday spirit. But it may be working a little too well." I don't even know what this means. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Character who is so completely obsessed with Christmas that he/she beats everyone around them into submission, eventually infusing them with "The Holiday Spirit" A flirty snowball fight Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit Character named after some sort of Christmas derivative Extravagant Christmas Eve party that everyone attends instead of being at home with their families Down on her luck girl loses her job right before Christmas  I don't know about you but I spend EVERY Christmas Eve in a ball gown, trying to choose between two men.  Synopsis: This movie is like Pride and Prejudice met The Christmas Carol and had a bastard child named A Crown for Christmas , whic...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Workaholic woman (famous actress this time!) who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas Tragic widower with a young daughter and a heart of gold An uber romantic horse drawn carriage ride through the city/town Features a charming little inn or B&B that is one of the centerpieces of the town and/or is named after some Christmas derivative  A small town whose sole purpose is to celebrate Christmas and/or is named after some Christmas derivative  A flirty ice-skating scene Look! We met our minority quota in our main cast! We are SO with the times.  Synopsis: Jessica McEllis, the biggest actress in, like, all of the world has approximately two days to film what is presumably a low budget Hallmark Christmas movie in a small town that no one has ever heard of but is really super at doing Christmas. But, guys, HUGE foil! Matt,  disgruntled, yet handsome widower/ local inn proprietor/mayor  with a heart...