Hallmark Holidaze: Movie Reviews from The Heart or Something

We are taking a break from our regularly scheduled program (so many movies to watch, audience, sooo many) to show you something amazing we discovered while watching these delightful Hallmark Movies. Its a phenomenon we like to call "The Awkward Pause". Since DVR has made it possible to pause the films so that we can retrieve another much needed glass of wine, champagne, rum, or rubbing alcohol, we found that it also allows us to capture the greatest moments in Hallmark Christmas Movie History. Today we want to take you on a journey of some of our favorite moments over the past Holiday Movie Watching Season. "The Constipated Prince: A Study in Contrasts"  "Hello from the Outsiiiiiiiiiide. At least I can say that I've triiiiiiied. To get you into the Christmas spirit, bitch." The things a girl will do to impress a prince.   WHOA! Let me sit here and stroke my beard because I'm William Fucking Shatner and I can do anything. ...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Down on her luck girl becomes a dishwasher in her hometown and bumps into a childhood crush/love Tragic, dead parent who was the embodiment of the Holiday Spirit Character whose parents showed them the meaning of true love and they could never settle for anything less Girl is from a humble background and makes hugely profound statements about finding angels Boy's family is from the upper echelon of society and therefore in need of a "holiday" lesson in classism  Flirty/romantic christmas cookie baking scene  A charming little small town contest, Christmas based, that's the biggest event of the year Incredibly  humble,  annoyingly  positive father/daughter team who are always smiling and always taking the high road  Seriously, these are their expressions. The whole time.   If you’re always humble (always-always!) you will totally rise to your dream job two weeks af...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Tragic widower with a young daughter and a heart of gold Tragic army widow who lost her husband in the line of duty Animal brings a couple together Flirty/romantic ice skating scene Uses picking out a Christmas Tree as a metaphor for finding love Flirty/romantic christmas tree decorating scene Have you ever wanted something that didn't belong to you, even if it's a living being? According to the Christmas Shepherd , you can keep anything you want- as long as you declare it a part of your family first- without any legal recourse, social repercussions, or even personal judgement from the original owner.  STEALING THINGS IS MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS TRADITION! Synopsis: Girl loses dog. Boy finds dog. Boy's daughter refuses to give dog back even though the dog is NOT HER DOG. It takes 2 hours, a terrifying (or flirty) ice skating debacle, and a mind-boggling  ass-shaking, hot chocolate-stirring scene for girl to get dog...