Hallmark Holidaze: Movie Reviews from The Heart or Something

  Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Workaholic woman who no longer believes in love or the magic of Christmas A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year A Christmas music montage with characters doing Christmasy things This movie should have been about Bill aka Rebel Without a Claus and Contestant #4 . Everyone else is a straight up monster.  Synopsis: What would our Hallmark Christmas review blog be without at least one movie with Candace Cameron Bure ? Yet again, Hallmark urges us all to get back together with our exes during Christmas time even when the relationship was incredibly toxic.  This time getting back together with your ex is easy when he is a former MLB MVP who aggressively peddles sub-par jerky. All you need to do is compete against him in a cutthroat Christmas Competition to win money for a charity that you don't actually care about! Watch sparks fly as exes Lara and Ben square off to see which one of them i...

The Sweetest Christmas  tagline:  "Hallmark Channel is serving up the perfect holiday treat. Now she'll need a little help to make her sweetest dreams come true." Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene A flirty snowball fight A handsome/beautiful single father/mother who runs their family business due to personal tragedy A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year (THE American Gingerbread Competition, bitches!)  My favorite part of this picture is the guy behind the curtain who is clapping to no one.  Synopsis: Kylie, who gave up her dream of becoming a chef for reasons that don't make much sense, works for her not-quite-right-for-her boyfriend's company Hockey Homes. Over a romantic dinner at her ex-boyfriend  Nick's restaurant, Alex decides to ask Kylie to be his... office manager. Confused? Yeah, we were too. Because it's totally norm...

Christmas Festival of Ice  tagline:  "The law may be her calling but it's ice sculpting that truly melts her heart." Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A character whose parents showed her/him the meaning of true love and he/she won't settle for anything less A handsome/beautiful, single man or woman who runs their family Christmas tree lot and/or farm A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year (The Westford Ice Sculpting Competition!)  Please glance longingly at my hammer. Synopsis: Emma just got out of law school, which she was pretty meh about, and is a terrible employee at her mom's law office in the small town of Westford. When the town's ice sculpting competition is threatened by a disappearing town budget and an incompetent councilman, the lure of shaving ice into a reindeer head becomes too strong for Emma and she is whipped into a chipping fever! Enter kindly, handsome single Chri...

  Marry Me at Christmas  Tagline:  "Hollywood star Johnny Blake thought he had it all. Until he met the perfect small town sweetheart." Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Family or independently owned business hemorrhaging money A character whose parents showed her/him the meaning of true love and he/she won't settle for anything less Flirty Christmas tree decorating scene Flirty snowball fight Huge mega star comes to small town for the purpose of "getting away from it all" (See also Christmas in Homestead )  EPIC FAIL ON NOT LOOKING HIGH OUT OF YOUR MIND, JOHNNY. Synopsis: Mega famous actor Johnny Blake , star of the wildly popular Fire's Edge franchise (or so the giant, dilapidated billboard in the beginning of the movie would have us believe), comes to the small town of Fool's Gold to get his little sister, Ginger, married to a creeper named Oliver and to light up the heart of the failing bridal boutique's owner, Ma...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Workaholic woman (famous actress this time!) who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas Tragic widower with a young daughter and a heart of gold An uber romantic horse drawn carriage ride through the city/town Features a charming little inn or B&B that is one of the centerpieces of the town and/or is named after some Christmas derivative  A small town whose sole purpose is to celebrate Christmas and/or is named after some Christmas derivative  A flirty ice-skating scene Look! We met our minority quota in our main cast! We are SO with the times.  Synopsis: Jessica McEllis, the biggest actress in, like, all of the world has approximately two days to film what is presumably a low budget Hallmark Christmas movie in a small town that no one has ever heard of but is really super at doing Christmas. But, guys, HUGE foil! Matt,  disgruntled, yet handsome widower/ local inn proprietor/mayor  with a heart...