Hallmark Holidaze: Movie Reviews from The Heart or Something

We are taking a break from our regularly scheduled program (so many movies to watch, audience, sooo many) to show you something amazing we discovered while watching these delightful Hallmark Movies. Its a phenomenon we like to call "The Awkward Pause". Since DVR has made it possible to pause the films so that we can retrieve another much needed glass of wine, champagne, rum, or rubbing alcohol, we found that it also allows us to capture the greatest moments in Hallmark Christmas Movie History. Today we want to take you on a journey of some of our favorite moments over the past Holiday Movie Watching Season. "The Constipated Prince: A Study in Contrasts"  "Hello from the Outsiiiiiiiiiide. At least I can say that I've triiiiiiied. To get you into the Christmas spirit, bitch." The things a girl will do to impress a prince.   WHOA! Let me sit here and stroke my beard because I'm William Fucking Shatner and I can do anything. ...

Hallmark Movie Checklist: Down on her luck girl returns to her hometown and bumps into an old flame Someone uses the words "unmarried" and "spinster" in the same sentence.  Scene in a sprawling, beautiful and quaint Christmas Tree Lot that resembles no Christmas Tree Lot we have ever encountered in real life.  Flirty/romantic ice skating scene that turns into a kiss Overly enthusiastic (and frequent mentions) of "The Real Santa" and subsequent visits by a man who may or may not be "The Real Santa" A charming little small town Christmas Festival and/or Pageant that's the biggest event of the year Features unexplainable circumstances that are explained away by the term "Christmas Magic" We are back, ladies (and the possibly one or two gentlemen who are actually reading this blog) with a charming Christmas morality tale of giving up your dreams for a man. We had high hopes for Hallmark's Holiday Season opener because ...