Switched for Christmas
Switched for Christmas tagline:
"This holiday Candice Cameron Bure and Candice Cameron Bure star as twins who swap lives and discover Christmas is better when they work together."
Boy, Hallmark is getting lazier with their taglines.
Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
Synopsis:
Full disclosure, there were six of us watching Switched at Christmas and copious amounts of red wine were consumed (see picture below). There was a lot of laughter, disbelief and general disgust so the notes are few and the gaping plot holes are many.
T.V.'s D. J. Tanner plays twins, who had a falling out for reasons that were never fully explained to us, in a reverse parent trap holiday film of Christmas parties, creepy men and one misogynistic dad. Kate is the workaholic big-city VP of something-or-other at a stuffy real estate development firm and Chris is a harried, suburban and single mom who just can't get her shit together. They switch places in order to plan each other's Christmas events, which is completely bananas, and fall in love with (and lie incessantly to) two men who are completely unsuited for the lives that they will inevitably go back to.
Misogynistic Dad: I'm your father. It's literally my job to tell you apart.
Fatherhood boiled down to one sentence is terrifying.
"This holiday Candice Cameron Bure and Candice Cameron Bure star as twins who swap lives and discover Christmas is better when they work together."
Boy, Hallmark is getting lazier with their taglines.
Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
- Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit
- A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year
- Workaholic woman/man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas
- A Christmas music montage with characters doing Christmas-y things
- A gingerbread house or cookie decorating scene
- Under the mistletoe make-out scene
- A flirty ice-skating scene
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| The look of loathing on Happy the dog's face is the same one we all wore while watching this movie. |
Full disclosure, there were six of us watching Switched at Christmas and copious amounts of red wine were consumed (see picture below). There was a lot of laughter, disbelief and general disgust so the notes are few and the gaping plot holes are many.
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| Our Writing Process |
Favorite Line:
Misogynistic Dad: I'm your father. It's literally my job to tell you apart.
Fatherhood boiled down to one sentence is terrifying.
Random Thoughts We Had During this Movie:
It is totally normal to take your VP of Project Development off all of their accounts the month before year-end just to plan your office Christmas party.
We find out in the absurdly long elevator ride that both twins are sex deprived and that one of them seems to have a bigger rack.
Gabe. Piper. Blake. Aeropostale named all of the characters in this movie.
Uh-oh, here comes the Holiday hubris of "nothing can possibly go wrong with our hare-brained scheme".
Every time Greg smiles, a bell chimes. No. Really. We referred to him as smile chime guy for the rest of the movie. We weren't even sure he had a name until I had to painstakingly seek it out by watching part of the movie over again when it wasn't listed on IMDB.
Whoa, Principal Sumner is a dick.
I wonder if the HUGE donor to their Christmas festival is an attractive, single dad with strong family values who just moved into town. Yup. Shocker.
They spent 37 million dollars building a fake town with an ice rink in the center of Littleton and all they had left in the budget for the sign was this?
Kate's boss is totally a fembot. Also, her two eyes are never communicating the same emotion as each other.
"Were those in ONE wash together?" Lou's gasp of abject horror over a fictional character's ability to mix her lights and her darks with reckless abandon was one of the highlights of our red wine soaked Hallmark movie screening.
"Then we can talk about the dimensions for those gingerbread templates." Who cares about work or making money for the company? Let's spend days on crafting elaborate buildings out of gingerbread. Because, you know, the Christmas Spirit.
Whoa, Balsam Hill really vomited all over this movie. I thought we were supposed to judge people for having fake trees. At least that's what the other Hallmark movies taught us. I am so confused.
None of us are single mothers, however, even we know it's next level bonkers to introduce your kids to a man who you have been lying to for the past few weeks and who you've only known through making gingerbread houses and planning an office Christmas party.
Conclusion: Our last note for this riveting movie was VIBRATING SANTA BED. I have no idea why this applies or if there was one in this movie or what this even means but every conclusion to every Hallmark movie should be VIBRATING SANTA BED.
It is totally normal to take your VP of Project Development off all of their accounts the month before year-end just to plan your office Christmas party.
We find out in the absurdly long elevator ride that both twins are sex deprived and that one of them seems to have a bigger rack.
Gabe. Piper. Blake. Aeropostale named all of the characters in this movie.
Uh-oh, here comes the Holiday hubris of "nothing can possibly go wrong with our hare-brained scheme".
Every time Greg smiles, a bell chimes. No. Really. We referred to him as smile chime guy for the rest of the movie. We weren't even sure he had a name until I had to painstakingly seek it out by watching part of the movie over again when it wasn't listed on IMDB.
Whoa, Principal Sumner is a dick.
I wonder if the HUGE donor to their Christmas festival is an attractive, single dad with strong family values who just moved into town. Yup. Shocker.
"Hey, a dream board. Cool." -Smile Chime Guy recognizes and has great enthusiasm for a dream board. Like most of the guys I've dated.
I think Tom totally just tried to make out with Happy the Dog. Along with the disturbing bestiality undertones of this scene, there was also a blatant dig at dog owners who prefer breeders over rescue dogs. Interesting morality scale, Hallmark.
"I thought you would go shopping or get your nails done- not this." Because that's all that we womenfolk do, misogynistic dad.
I think Tom totally just tried to make out with Happy the Dog. Along with the disturbing bestiality undertones of this scene, there was also a blatant dig at dog owners who prefer breeders over rescue dogs. Interesting morality scale, Hallmark.
"I thought you would go shopping or get your nails done- not this." Because that's all that we womenfolk do, misogynistic dad.
They spent 37 million dollars building a fake town with an ice rink in the center of Littleton and all they had left in the budget for the sign was this?
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| Winter Wonderland, my ass. |
"Were those in ONE wash together?" Lou's gasp of abject horror over a fictional character's ability to mix her lights and her darks with reckless abandon was one of the highlights of our red wine soaked Hallmark movie screening.
"Then we can talk about the dimensions for those gingerbread templates." Who cares about work or making money for the company? Let's spend days on crafting elaborate buildings out of gingerbread. Because, you know, the Christmas Spirit.
Whoa, Balsam Hill really vomited all over this movie. I thought we were supposed to judge people for having fake trees. At least that's what the other Hallmark movies taught us. I am so confused.
 |
| Hey kids, here's your new daddy. |
Conclusion: Our last note for this riveting movie was VIBRATING SANTA BED. I have no idea why this applies or if there was one in this movie or what this even means but every conclusion to every Hallmark movie should be VIBRATING SANTA BED.
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