Hallmark Holidaze: Movie Reviews from The Heart or Something

Hallmark Tagline: "Tis the season to believe that shoes are a girl's best friend."  UGH.  Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A flirty horse-drawn carriage ride through the city  A flirty cookie-making scene.  Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit  Character named after some sort of Christmas derivative (Noelle)  Workaholic woman who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas  Guardian angel that imbues people with the “Holiday Spirit” and changes lives  This Hallmark Holiday movie review was written by the ever delightful,Virginia Rohan. Not only are we grateful that a published writer has agreed to be a part of our little blog but we also think she is far too nice to be writing these.  ;)  I always pose for pics with a stranger when I get locked in a department store overnight. Synopsis: Noelle used to love Christmas, but these days, the only holiday element that still exci...

Hallmark Tagline: "Darcy Fitzwilliam thought she had it all. But this Christmas, she'll find out what she's been missing." Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A flirty snowball fight A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene A small-town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit Phone call or conversation that is overheard and misinterpreted, forcing a character to leave true love behind Under the mistletoe make-out scene "At least I'm not playing another baker in this movie." - Lacey Chabert, 2018 Synopsis: We didn't think Hallmark could bring even more shame upon "Pride and Prejudice" but, alas, we underestimated their power to blatantly disregard the exceptional plot of Jane Austin's magnum opus. In a shocking twist of literary hijinx, Darcy Fitzwilliam is actually a GIRL. A girl investment banker with her OWN fir...

Hallmark Tagline: "There's no place like home- especially Elvis' home." No. Just no. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A flirty snowball fight A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene A flirty cookie or gingerbread decoration scene A flirty ice skating scene Big, looming corporation that threatens to either build some sort of development on precious town land or close down a treasured local business by Christmas Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit Fancy running into you here at Graceland, ex-boyfriend from 3rd grade.  Synopsis: Laurel is the VP of some sort of Chicago based company that has no clear purpose except for buying beloved local banks by Christmas Eve. While on a business trip to Memphis, she closes no deals but she does prance around Graceland with her precocious daughter and her concert promoting ex-boyfriend, Clay .  Handsome, rice crispy baking Clay is great with kids, throws Christmas Eve concerts an...

"It's Christmas, Eve" tagline: "This Christmas, unfinished business becomes the greatest gift she never expected." We still don't know what her unfinished business was. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit A character named after some sort of Christmas derivative Workaholic woman or man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene Character rediscovers her/his love of Christmas through singing A bitch fight over a Christmas tree leads to love.  Synopsis: An interim superintendent, Eve Morgan , is hired 10 days before Christmas to make massive budget cuts for the school district of Franklin without oversight, public voting or state approval. Coincidently, Franklin is also her hometown! What are the odds?! While not doing any actual work for this position, Eve falls in love with a single father who teaches music at the school she i...

Fios Description of Christmas at Pemberley Manor: A rich man falls back in love with Christmas and a party planner. We wanted to include the tagline here, as in previous blog posts, but we couldn't find one and chose the grammatically incorrect Fios description instead. You're welcome. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year  Workaholic woman or man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene A man who may or may not be the REAL Santa Big, looming corporation that is a threat to small-town life because they want to either build some sort of development on precious town land or close down a treasured local business and/or factory by Christmas Those pink knitted reindeer things will haunt my dreams. Synopsis: Hallmark kicks off their holiday season by re-telling one of the most epic love stories in literary history. Wh...

Switched for Christmas  tagline:  "This holiday Candice Cameron Bure and Candice Cameron Bure star as twins who swap lives and discover Christmas is better when they work together." Boy, Hallmark is getting lazier with their taglines. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year  Workaholic woman/man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas A Christmas music montage with characters doing Christmas-y things A gingerbread house or cookie decorating scene Under the mistletoe make-out scene A flirty ice-skating scene The look of loathing on Happy the dog's face is the same one we all wore while watching this movie. Synopsis: Full disclosure, there were six of us watching Switched at Christmas and copious amounts of red wine were consumed (see picture below). There was a lot of laughter, disbelief ...

Coming Home for Christmas  tagline:  "Danica McKellar is decking the halls and Neil Bledsoe could really use some holiday spirit. But it may be working a little too well." I don't even know what this means. Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Character who is so completely obsessed with Christmas that he/she beats everyone around them into submission, eventually infusing them with "The Holiday Spirit" A flirty snowball fight Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit Character named after some sort of Christmas derivative Extravagant Christmas Eve party that everyone attends instead of being at home with their families Down on her luck girl loses her job right before Christmas  I don't know about you but I spend EVERY Christmas Eve in a ball gown, trying to choose between two men.  Synopsis: This movie is like Pride and Prejudice met The Christmas Carol and had a bastard child named A Crown for Christmas , whic...