The Most Colorful Time of the Year

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:

• A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene
• A small town Christmas tree lighting
• Tragic widow or widower with a precocious child and a heart of gold
• Under the mistletoe make-out scene

This is the expression of a man who is seeing color for the first time. No, seriously. It is.  

Synopsis:

“A colorblind elementary school teacher meets an optometrist who helps bring color into his life in time for the holidays.”

I wish I was joking but, yes, this movie is about Ryan, a grumpy teacher who consistently lies about being colorblind for reasons we can't possibly fathom and Michelle, a widowed optometrist whose unfailing optimism doesn't stop her from treating him like he has a horrible, disfiguring disability. We are never given a clear backstory on why Ryan is all bah humbug and hates Christmas. Because he can't see color? I guess that makes sense? There is also a crazy subplot about Michelle's ex who is probably a stalker and maybe an agent of chaos and most definitely needs to have a restraining order filed against him. 

Favorite Line:

Ryan to his friend Sean: How do you always know the worst time time to visit? 

How does this guy have friends? I would definitely cut him out of my life if I was Sean.

Random Thoughts We Had During this Movie: 

No singing Christmas songs in the hallway? Ryan is a monster.

Beth: What school brings in four doctors to do eye exams?

Laura: Hey kids, we have to cut your musical program because we had to hire four optometrists to give everyone eye exams but them's the breaks. 

What's the point of lying about being colorblind? It's not an STD. 

The perfect time to date is during Christmas? Who are these people who have time to date during the holidays?

Poor Bailey. I don't think my mom ever forced her way into my classroom to watch my school presentation like Michelle just did. I don't blame Ryan being bitchy about it. 

Have these kids never seen a lit Christmas tree before!? They oohed and ahhed like they have all been living in a dark cave all of their lives.

Not allowing his kids to decorate his classroom because he's colorblind? Ryan's selfish AF.

Long-suffering friend Sean is trying to get Ryan to go on a blind date but Ryan has just revealed a lifelong prejudice against women who climb mountains. Huh. That's a choice. 

Beth: I don't hate her because she is a mountain climber, but because she is annoying!

Laura: Who mentions their biological clock and utters phrases like "a mate" on a first date? 

Beth: Female Mountain climbers? Is that a stereotype we are supposed to expect out of Mountain Climbers, Hallmark? 

We're still not understanding why he feels the need to hide being colorblind. They are treating it like it's this horrifying disability. This makes zero sense. 

Her store doesn't seem very busy but it's nice to see a woman owned business that isn't failing in the Hallmarkverse.

Beth: So no one ever figured out he didn't know his colors? No preschool teacher ever played a color game with him?

Laura: How does this slip through the cracks? #hallmarkschoolsystemfailsagain

Her ex Mark is throwing out some serious serial killer vibes. This could easily turn into a lifetime movie. An Optometrist's Nightmare: The Michelle And Bailey Story

Laura: Holistic remedies exist for color blindness? This plot is bananas.

Beth: They must have written it as a joke. Like they just wanted to see how ridiculous a storyline they could get away with.

She's helping him "adjust to his new life with the glasses". How hard is that? It's not like she is helping him learn how to walk again. This is deranged.

Laura: You think her stalker ex is going to come and smash his glasses?

Beth: Like he takes them, laughs like an evil villain, then smashes the glasses under his shoe.

Laura: While never breaking eye-contact. That would be a way better scene than whatever we are watching now. 

This is their first date and she asks him to spend Christmas morning with her? RED FLAGS ABOUND. Granted, I'm not a parent but I'm thinking she probably should have asked her daughter before inviting her teacher over for a major holiday and some nookie. 

Conclusion: Apparently, colorblind people are a different species and need to be slowly re-introduced into society after getting a pair of corrective glasses.