You're Bacon Me Crazy

You're Bacon Me Crazy

It's time to compare our budding relationship to these over-ripe persimmons! Because, why wouldn't we? 

Synopsis:

Cleo is a stuck-up food truck owner who hates sit-down restaurants, has a horrifying fake Italian accent and is dying to win Portland's "City of Roses: Food Truck Competition". No really, guys. That's the name of the competition. Sam is a bacon-loving rival food truck owner who just can't seem to stay in one place for very long.  Will competing for the title of Lamest Food Truck in the Greater Portland area halt their burgeoning love story or will bacon have the power to bring them together? Let's be honest, the only reason why we are watching this movie is because it has BACON in the title.

Favorite Line:

Norma: What may I ask is the sauce made from?

Cleo: LOVE.

VOMIT.

Random Thoughts We Had During this Movie:

Cleo's quirky! She rides a moped! 

Sam's listening to rock music while riding a beat-up looking food truck! He's a badass!

Cleo's Kitchen says NOTHING about what type of food truck it is. The name is crap. Their brand manager needs to be fired. 

She "doesn't make elaborate entrees", she hates "making reservations" and she calls sandwiches sammies. I hate her already. 

She just referred to her ex-boyfriend as "Jeff the Chef" with a sneer. Does she not understand how insulting nicknames work? 

Mo-Bacon! Mo-Problems!

If they don't stop blaring rock music every time he pulls up in his truck, I'm going to throw my remote at the TV. 

If they talk about how great persimmons are one more time, I'm going to throw my remote at the TV. 

Her fake Italian is horrifying. The 50% Italian in me is offended. Cleo is trash. 

When a guy randomly shows up at my house to flirt with me, I always force a shovel into his hands and make him dig a hole in my garden. 

Laura: Cleo insists that she donates her garden to the food bank but all there is in this garden are flowers. Does she think homeless people eat flowers?  

Beth: Maybe in Portland they do. Who are we to judge? 

What kind of monster bounces meatballs off a wall?

A BLP (Bacon Lettuce and Persimmons) is a genius idea for a name? Literally, all you have done is replace one ingredient and used the first letter of said ingredient instead of the original ingredient. Seems pretty fucking obvious to me, Sam. 

In the Hallmark verse, you can ditch your business partner without a word, show up years later, enter her cooking competition and it's TOTES FORGIVEN. 

I like how Hallmark found a Michael Bublé knock-off to sing the romantic, we're-picking-out-food-together montage. 

She has been shitting on the idea of owning a sit-down restaurant the ENTIRE movie and now, all of a sudden, she wants a restaurant. This makes no sense. This movie is boring. I hate everyone. 

Norma Duncan's City of Roses: Food Truck Competition. I can't even with the horrifying names in this horrifying movie. 

There are three people at this competition and they are all related to Cleo. This is a colossal waste of money and town resources. 

Did Norma just say that they are giving the award to the chef that cooks with love? This is the literal worst. 

I cook with seething resentment. Does that mean I get an honorable mention? 

Beth: Why is she talking about sandwiches? She didn't f--ng make sandwiches for this competition!!! 

Laura: I don't know what she said. I blacked out during her acceptance speech.

Six months later and they are already opening up a new place! Did they give up their food trucks and squander their competition winnings only to have five people show up to the opening of their restaurant? What a horrible life choice they both just made. 


Conclusion: Cooking with love leads to salmonella and premature death.