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Showing posts from November, 2017

Coming Home for Christmas

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Coming Home for Christmas tagline: 

"Danica McKellar is decking the halls and Neil Bledsoe could really use some holiday spirit. But it may be working a little too well."

I don't even know what this means.


Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
Character who is so completely obsessed with Christmas that he/she beats everyone around them into submission, eventually infusing them with "The Holiday Spirit"A flirty snowball fightTragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spiritCharacter named after some sort of Christmas derivativeExtravagant Christmas Eve party that everyone attends instead of being at home with their familiesDown on her luck girl loses her job right before Christmas 
Synopsis:
This movie is like Pride and Prejudice met The Christmas Carol and had a bastard child named A Crown for Christmas, which is Danica McKellar's Hallmark Christmas movie circa 2015, and then it married its second cousin, and had another out-of-wedlock baby and named …

The Sweetest Christmas

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The Sweetest Christmas tagline: 

"Hallmark Channel is serving up the perfect holiday treat. Now she'll need a little help to make her sweetest dreams come true."


Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
A flirty Christmas tree decorating sceneA flirty snowball fightA handsome/beautiful single father/mother who runs their family business due to personal tragedyA small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year (THE American Gingerbread Competition, bitches!) 
Synopsis:
Kylie, who gave up her dream of becoming a chef for reasons that don't make much sense, works for her not-quite-right-for-her boyfriend's company Hockey Homes. Over a romantic dinner at her ex-boyfriend Nick's restaurant, Alex decides to ask Kylie to be his... office manager. Confused? Yeah, we were too. Because it's totally normal to blindfold someone, make them walk over rose petals and lead them to a romantic dinner just to ask them to be your office manager.…

Christmas Festival of Ice

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Christmas Festival of Ice tagline: 

"The law may be her calling but it's ice sculpting that truly melts her heart."


Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
A character whose parents showed her/him the meaning of true love and he/she won't settle for anything lessA handsome/beautiful, single man or woman who runs their family Christmas tree lot and/or farmA small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year (The Westford Ice Sculpting Competition!) 
Synopsis:
Emma just got out of law school, which she was pretty meh about, and is a terrible employee at her mom's law office in the small town of Westford. When the town's ice sculpting competition is threatened by a disappearing town budget and an incompetent councilman, the lure of shaving ice into a reindeer head becomes too strong for Emma and she is whipped into a chipping fever! Enter kindly, handsome single Christmas tree lot owner Nick, who fans the flames of Emma's ice scu…

Marry Me At Christmas

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Marry Me at Christmas Tagline: 

"Hollywood star Johnny Blake thought he had it all. Until he met the perfect small town sweetheart."

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
Family or independently owned business hemorrhaging moneyA character whose parents showed her/him the meaning of true love and he/she won't settle for anything lessFlirty Christmas tree decorating sceneFlirty snowball fightHuge mega star comes to small town for the purpose of "getting away from it all" (See also Christmas in Homestead
Synopsis:
Mega famous actor Johnny Blake, star of the wildly popular Fire's Edge franchise (or so the giant, dilapidated billboard in the beginning of the movie would have us believe), comes to the small town of Fool's Gold to get his little sister, Ginger, married to a creeper named Oliver and to light up the heart of the failing bridal boutique's owner, Maddie Krug. Yes, you've read that correctly. The quaint, charming town in this tale of love and C…