Charming Christmas

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:

• Family run department store during the holidays 
• Character named Nick whose mysterious background leads viewers to wonder if he is, in fact, a part of the "Real Claus" family
• Character whose parents showed them the meaning of true love and they could never settle for anything less
• Features unexplainable magical item (in this case, a Mrs. Claus suit!) that imbues people with the "Holiday Spirit" and changes their lives
• Uses picking out a Christmas Tree as a metaphor for finding love
• Under-the-mistletoe make-out scene

Are you a believer in independent stores with big hearts, zero business sense, and quirky owners who are still in love after all these years? Then you need to drop your hot cocoa, put on your comfy P.J.'s, and watch Charming Christmas!

PLEASE TELL ME THERE WILL BE A MISTLETOE MAKE-OUT SCENE!

Synopsis: A frosty work-obsessed gal, Meredith, puts on a magic Mrs. Claus dress and fights her need to franchise her small, family business to the big, evil corporation. Will the mysterious Nick, who her parents hire as their department store Santa because he might very well be the progeny of the Real Santa, change Meredith's mind and warm her cold heart? Hint: YES. YES, HE CAN. Because he's Christopher from Gilmore Girls. Christopher. From. Gilmore. Girls.

Favorite Line:

Nick: (in reference to a Christmas Tree AND Love) "I'm looking for something strong, something that will last, won't bed too easily, but is soft to the touch."

Random Thoughts We Had While Watching The Movie: 

There are already way too many characters in this movie. I am not going to be able to keep the women straight. Because I'm Hallmark Movie Sexist.

Her mom kept her Mrs. Claus suit for 40 years? That seems hygienic.

Frosty Meredith can smell unnatural chemicals at dry cleaners. Is that, like, the lamest super power ever?

Okay, I get it, this movie is going to propel forward on the sheer force of Nick aka David Sutcliff's charm alone. I'm sold. Because he's Christopher from Gilmore Girls. Christopher. From. Gilmore. Girls.

This is my concerned-yet-exceedingly-handsome-you're-not-showing-enough-christmas-spirit face. 

Will all of the women who are secretly unsatisfied in their lives and in need of a Christmas morality lesson please raise your hands? There are three of you? Great! You all get to wear the same Mrs. Claus suit! P.S. There's magic involved. 

Jessie, one of the Mrs. Clauseses, has a husband named Woody. As a rule no romantic character should be named Woody. This excludes Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks is the exception to every rule. 

Olivia, the last Mrs. Claus, is a single mother with a ne'er-do-well ex, an estranged mother, and a precocious son named Tyler. Obvi. 

At this point in time, this shared Mrs. Claus suit has to be rank. Naturally they have a friendly neighborhood independent dry cleaner who is also good at sewing priceless antique buttons on 40 year old suits and not destroying Christmas Magic. My dry cleaner can't even handle cleaning my coat from Express.

The corporate guy, who represents the nameless conglomerate trying to franchise Rossman's, is sleazy. And a close talker. Clearly, we should not trust him.

"I forgot my lucky piece of coal. Some kids get a kick out of knowing I have it on hand just in case." Do they, Nick? Do they? If a department store Santa gave me a lump of coal, I probably would have stabbed him. 

Has Meredith seriously never seen a candy cane before? How is she this surprised over the fact that dipping a candy cane in hot chocolate will give it a minty taste? She must be a communist. 

Nano the Hamster Bot? That's THE toy that every little boy wants this Christmas? Can't they just pick something that resembles an actual Christmas present? Like a video game or something. Why does it have to be a weird, little rodent in a ball? 

Jessie's ankle has healed and she can now audition for Broadway again which means, inevitably, she will choose Woody over her dreams. 

Wait. He wants her to hide a Christmas Pickle with him? A Pickle? This is actually a thing? A real Christmas tradition of olde? Because otherwise our two main characters are legit playing "hide the pickle" in the shadow of a Christmas Tree. I'm disgusted, Hallmark. Intrigued, slightly aroused, but disgusted. 

This is the 27th time someone has remarked that Nick takes his job as a department store Santa very seriously. In my experience, no department store Santa has ever looked like him. And they generally smell like whiskey and regret. 

Christmas is a big deal for Nick's folks. Who live up North. BECAUSE THEY ARE THE CLAUSES, MEREDITH. HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT? 

Of course Meredith is giving Nano the Hamster Bot to the friendly dry cleaner and not Tyler's mom, who actually works in her department store. If I can't get in touch with a friend because I want to give their child a present, my go to is always their dry cleaner.

"I thought Nick was a bit crazy when he talked about Santa's magic." Nick's charm is so powerful, so potent that it destroys any lingering thoughts of "this guy is clearly disturbed because he thinks his parents are the Santas and that Christmas Magic in the form of a suit cures everything."

A guy just bought one ugly wooden Zebra in the toy department. Just one. Either he has the whole animal zoo set at home and the Zebra will complete it or he just bought a toy for a kid he hates.

Oh, look! It's the estranged mother of one of the Mrs. Clauseseses, back to heal their estranged relationship. We may not find out why their estranged relationship went sour but that doesn't matter because we'll just repeat the word estranged over and over until you forget this giant plot hole.

Nick is outside your store in a sleigh with reindeer and mistletoe, Meredith. Go get him, girl.

Conclusion: Every Santa in the world should be played by David Sutcliff.