Friday, December 5, 2014

The Christmas Shepherd

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
  • Tragic widower with a young daughter and a heart of gold
  • Tragic army widow who lost her husband in the line of duty
  • Animal brings a couple together
  • Flirty/romantic ice skating scene
  • Uses picking out a Christmas Tree as a metaphor for finding love
  • Flirty/romantic christmas tree decorating scene

Have you ever wanted something that didn't belong to you, even if it's a living being? According to the Christmas Shepherd, you can keep anything you want- as long as you declare it a part of your family first- without any legal recourse, social repercussions, or even personal judgement from the original owner. 

STEALING THINGS IS MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS TRADITION!


Synopsis: Girl loses dog. Boy finds dog. Boy's daughter refuses to give dog back even though the dog is NOT HER DOG. It takes 2 hours, a terrifying (or flirty) ice skating debacle, and a mind-boggling ass-shaking, hot chocolate-stirring scene for girl to get dog back.

Favorite Lines:

Daughter: "She can't have him back. He's a part of our family now."

Random Thoughts We Had During This Movie

This widow is a terrible artist. Like next level terrible. That bird painting looks like one of those paintings that they use on the news as proof of how creepy someone is after they have just been apprehended for being a serial killer.

Who in their right mind leaves a dog out on the porch during a storm? Maybe she does deserve to lose Buddy after all. 

Why did this landscaper just take a selfie with Buddy? Has he not seen a dog before? 

My best christmas was when I stole a dog from an army widow and kept it, perhaps against his will. 

Widower guy's features are so chiseled they should become a cast member and get top billing. 

Can you really set a google alert for dog selfies? We should look into this. 

Did they ask kindergartners to be the legal consultants on this movie? This family STOLE her dog. 

If someone stole my dog, I wouldn't visit them just to say hi. I'd plow through their house with my car,  stuff my dog back in the backseat, and drive away, preferably into the sunset. 

Excuse me while I sit here in the middle of the day, not working, with my ridiculously chiseled features and bulging muscles. 

This is the third film we have watched with a widow or widower. I would hate to be married in a Hallmark film because: a) I'd be the outcast of the entire town of widow/widowers and b) Apparently it's only a matter of time before me or my significant other kicked the bucket.

I guess, technically, tragic army widow's husband also stole the dog from a poor family in Beirut. Perhaps some forlorn kid is still crying because they have checked all of the Beirut dog shelters and, sadly, never found their dog. What goes around comes around, tragic widow artist. 

If I saw a group of Santas staring into the window of my small business while ho-ho-ho-ing maniacally, I'd scream and run away, not invite them inside for free coffee that my failing business totally cannot afford.

The daughter steals a german shepherd from a mediocre and slightly unhinged artist and subsequently gets her crush to notice her and ask her to the christmas dance. I've had dogs all my life and haven't noticed this effect; maybe they have to be stolen? Also her christmas dance outfit is horrifying. Like, I'm going to have nightmares about it horrifying. 

They are allowing his daughter to venture out to a school dance in this blizzard yet it's not safe for tragic widow to drive home? That makes sense. 

Wait, did her date just say his mom had two glasses of chardonnay, then drove him and the girl to the dance in a snow storm? Way to promote drinking and driving, Hallmark. 

Conclusion: If you like stealing and dogs, you will love this movie. Plus, Buddy the dog is hands down the best actor in any Hallmark Movie ever. Ever.  10/10


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