Hallmark Holidaze: Movie Reviews from The Heart or Something

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Workaholic woman (famous actress this time!) who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas Tragic widower with a young daughter and a heart of gold An uber romantic horse drawn carriage ride through the city/town Features a charming little inn or B&B that is one of the centerpieces of the town and/or is named after some Christmas derivative  A small town whose sole purpose is to celebrate Christmas and/or is named after some Christmas derivative  A flirty ice-skating scene Look! We met our minority quota in our main cast! We are SO with the times.  Synopsis: Jessica McEllis, the biggest actress in, like, all of the world has approximately two days to film what is presumably a low budget Hallmark Christmas movie in a small town that no one has ever heard of but is really super at doing Christmas. But, guys, HUGE foil! Matt,  disgruntled, yet handsome widower/ local inn proprietor/mayor  with a heart...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: A workaholic woman who just doesn't have time for a relationship A playful snowball fight that turns strangely deep and flirty A Christmas music montage with characters doing christmas-y things A gingerbread house or cookie decorating scene Rivals in News but not in LOVE!  Synopsis: Two extremely boring newscasters and ex lovers compete to become Jackée Harry's co-anchor. And guys, they have competed for the same job BEFORE!   Emily Morgan has a total meltdown on her Connecticut local news channel and somehow the act qualifies her for a shot at co-hosting Rise and Shine. Because being able to publicly meltdown is a quality EVERY good reporter needs. Her much more experienced daddy-issue-laden ex, Charlie Fisher , is disgruntled and handsome and, gosh darn it, will try and foil Emily's job if it's the last thing he does! In between competing for ornament decorating segments and heartwarming stories about 100 year ...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit A flirty/romantic cookie or gingerbread decorating scene A flirty/romantic tree decorating scene A classic "you have dirt on your face let me wipe it off" moment A charming little town Christmas tradition/festival/event that is the biggest event of the year (Holiday Tour of Homes Charity Event) A Christmas proposal or wedding Do you know what this house needs? More giant pinecones! I'M THE BEST DESIGNER. Synopsis: Interior decorator and obsessed-with-becoming-a-December bride  Layla irrationally blames Seth for the fact that her bitchy cousin stole her fiancee at some weird work function because he was, like, there when they met? Layla's ex-fiancee and cousin apparently speed to the alter and she is scolded by Judgey McJudgerson Aunt Lorraine for not wanting to go to the wedding so Seth magically reappears and offers to be her date so she doesn...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Workaholic woman who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas who has a workaholic, stuffy boyfriend Big looming corporate company that is a threat to small town life and/or will be closing down a local business and/or factory An uber romantic horse drawn carriage ride through the city Features a charming little inn or B&B that is one of the centerpieces of the town and/or is named after some Christmas derivative (Gingerbread Inn) A small town whose sole purpose is to celebrate Christmas and/or is named after some Christmas derivative (Cookie Jar) A gingerbread house or cookie decorating scene A small town contest, Christmas based, that's the biggest event of the year The handsome factory owner sure knows how to defend the towns honor. And point at stuff.  Synopsis: An evil corporation without a soul, National Foods, is desperate to buy Aunt Sally's Cookie company so they send a bahumbug workaholic single woma...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Cold-never-been-married woman who has a fear of abandonment and no longer believes in the magic of Christmas Someone who is repeatedly referred to as a Scrooge Overly enthusiastic (and frequent) mentions of the Christmas Spirit Features a charming little inn or B&B that is one of the centerpieces of the movie and/or is named after some Christmas derivative A small town whose sole purpose is to celebrate Christmas and/or is named after some Christmas derivative (Hollyvale) A gingerbread house or cookie decorating scene Always choose a guy dressed as an elf, ladies. ALWAYS Synopsis: Kate Harper , famous tv host, works awkwardly with her ex-boyfriend Jack on their delightful hit morning show. Things go awry when she pushes an Asian man into a Christmas tree, declares she is meh on Christmas, and garners the anger of a thousand green-and-red-poster carrying protestors. In order to win back the love of the public and find her darn Ch...

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Character named Nick or Holly and/or some other christmas derivative A workaholic (this movie has two!) who just doesn't have time for a normal relationship Flirty ice skating scene Bosses making their employees travel to their extravagant Christmas Eve parties instead of being at home with their families  Picking out a Christmas tree scene Two main characters compete in a Christmas themed contest An  über   romantic horse drawn carriage ride through the city OMG Christmas Selfies, guys! The Synopsis: Two workaholic, self-proclaimed "Christmasphobes" are harassed by aggressive mall Christmas carolers, a douchey ex-husband with a car show model girlfriend who likes posing on snowmobiles, and a law-firm that sounds suspiciously like a cult obsessed with marriage and fertility. Plagued by the aforementioned pressures, Nick and Elise decide to to sign a contract (aka the Mistletoe P...