Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe
Hallmark Tagline:
"Darcy Fitzwilliam thought she had it all. But this Christmas, she'll find out what she's been missing."
Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
Synopsis:
We didn't think Hallmark could bring even more shame upon"Pride and Prejudice" but, alas, we underestimated their power to blatantly disregard the exceptional plot of Jane Austin's magnum opus. In a shocking twist of literary hijinx, Darcy Fitzwilliam is actually a GIRL. A girl investment banker with her OWN firm! In between fighting for the investment rights of her favorite hot dog vendor and wowing big clients with her stunning work ethic, Darcy is pulled home to Pemberley and roped into helping her mom with the Pemberley League's Auction. Darcy's mom hires novice chef and Darcy's long-time high school debate team rival, Luke Bennet, to cater the biggest charity event of the Christmas season. Will Darcy and Luke put aside their heated high-school rivalry to throw a fundraiser the likes of which Pemberley has never seen?
Or will we drink too much wine to find out?
Favorite Line:
Luke: In ancient Roman times, enemies would reconcile their differences under the mistletoe so they-
Darcy rudely kisses him before he can finish what was, clearly, the only interesting part of this entire movie.
Random Thoughts We Had During this Movie:
Darcy has cut ties with her successful, rich father because she wanted to make it big on her own! Too bad it looks like her partners are scheming to overthrow her because she wants to lower maximum investments so that her beloved hot dog vendor can invest with her firm. I wonder if this will come in handy later when she realizes that she misses her hometown desperately and needs another job opportunity. Spoiler: IT DOES.
Why is Hallmark obsessed with getting people back together with their exes?
Why would you spend money on a pre-decorated Christmas tree two days before Christmas? Oh, right. Rich people.
Of course, ticket sales are down. Maybe they should spend less time arguing over where they should put the food and dessert table and more time on actually selling tickets, marketing to the community and getting their board involved.
Darcy's ex, Karl, and her brother look identical. This is disturbing on so many levels.
Is turkey pot pie with whipped mash potatoes really considered "creative with the classics"? I thought rich people were supposed to have an elite palate.
Luke's done enough for the day? He printed out pictures off the internet and showed them different recipes for the party. Yeah, that sounds exhausting.
We just witnessed Darcy's dad give the most awkward high-five in the history of high-fives. "Darcy's dad looks like he is an alien archeologist who studied video of humans interacting with each other and is trying to mimic their actions in desperation." -Lou
Why are they making Luke, the caterer, pick up the trees? Because spoiled rich people don't care about job descriptions. They just assume everyone is their slave and will do anything even if it doesn't remotely relate to the job they were initially hired for.
Luke's Table??? That's his idea of a brilliant name? Literally, anything would be better. Bennet's. Luke's Luncheonette. Pemberley's Pot Pie Palace.
All money raised by the Pemberley League Auction should really go to ensuring that the kids (or adults who teach them) can spell next year.
How are they going to transport these fully decorated trees to and from the auction? On the backs of their caterer slaves?
Karl looks like he is going to fly into an uncontrollable rage and burn down all of the pre-decorated Christmas trees.
Conclusion:
The script for this movie is a treatise on how much rich people suck. Also, Beth and I have decided we are going to open up Pemberley's Pot Pie Palace.
"Darcy Fitzwilliam thought she had it all. But this Christmas, she'll find out what she's been missing."
Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
- A flirty snowball fight
- A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene
- A small-town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year
- Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit
- Phone call or conversation that is overheard and misinterpreted, forcing a character to leave true love behind
- Under the mistletoe make-out scene
 |
| "At least I'm not playing another baker in this movie." - Lacey Chabert, 2018 |
We didn't think Hallmark could bring even more shame upon"Pride and Prejudice" but, alas, we underestimated their power to blatantly disregard the exceptional plot of Jane Austin's magnum opus. In a shocking twist of literary hijinx, Darcy Fitzwilliam is actually a GIRL. A girl investment banker with her OWN firm! In between fighting for the investment rights of her favorite hot dog vendor and wowing big clients with her stunning work ethic, Darcy is pulled home to Pemberley and roped into helping her mom with the Pemberley League's Auction. Darcy's mom hires novice chef and Darcy's long-time high school debate team rival, Luke Bennet, to cater the biggest charity event of the Christmas season. Will Darcy and Luke put aside their heated high-school rivalry to throw a fundraiser the likes of which Pemberley has never seen?
Or will we drink too much wine to find out?
 |
| Special thanks to Lou, Jessica, Kristan and Andrea for their help in writing this! |
Favorite Line:
Luke: In ancient Roman times, enemies would reconcile their differences under the mistletoe so they-
Darcy rudely kisses him before he can finish what was, clearly, the only interesting part of this entire movie.
Random Thoughts We Had During this Movie:
Darcy has cut ties with her successful, rich father because she wanted to make it big on her own! Too bad it looks like her partners are scheming to overthrow her because she wants to lower maximum investments so that her beloved hot dog vendor can invest with her firm. I wonder if this will come in handy later when she realizes that she misses her hometown desperately and needs another job opportunity. Spoiler: IT DOES.
Why is Hallmark obsessed with getting people back together with their exes?
Why would you spend money on a pre-decorated Christmas tree two days before Christmas? Oh, right. Rich people.
Of course, ticket sales are down. Maybe they should spend less time arguing over where they should put the food and dessert table and more time on actually selling tickets, marketing to the community and getting their board involved.
Darcy's ex, Karl, and her brother look identical. This is disturbing on so many levels.
 |
| Their hair is parted in the same way, guys. |
Is turkey pot pie with whipped mash potatoes really considered "creative with the classics"? I thought rich people were supposed to have an elite palate.
Luke's done enough for the day? He printed out pictures off the internet and showed them different recipes for the party. Yeah, that sounds exhausting.
We just witnessed Darcy's dad give the most awkward high-five in the history of high-fives. "Darcy's dad looks like he is an alien archeologist who studied video of humans interacting with each other and is trying to mimic their actions in desperation." -Lou
Why are they making Luke, the caterer, pick up the trees? Because spoiled rich people don't care about job descriptions. They just assume everyone is their slave and will do anything even if it doesn't remotely relate to the job they were initially hired for.
Luke's Table??? That's his idea of a brilliant name? Literally, anything would be better. Bennet's. Luke's Luncheonette. Pemberley's Pot Pie Palace.
All money raised by the Pemberley League Auction should really go to ensuring that the kids (or adults who teach them) can spell next year.
 |
| Is it CENTER or CENTRE? Get your act together, Hallmark Art Department. |
How are they going to transport these fully decorated trees to and from the auction? On the backs of their caterer slaves?
Karl looks like he is going to fly into an uncontrollable rage and burn down all of the pre-decorated Christmas trees.
Conclusion:
The script for this movie is a treatise on how much rich people suck. Also, Beth and I have decided we are going to open up Pemberley's Pot Pie Palace.
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