It's Christmas, Eve

"It's Christmas, Eve" tagline:

"This Christmas, unfinished business becomes the greatest gift she never expected."

We still don't know what her unfinished business was.

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:

  • A tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit
  • A character named after some sort of Christmas derivative
  • Workaholic woman or man who no longer believes in the magic of Christmas
  • A flirty Christmas tree decorating scene
  • Character rediscovers her/his love of Christmas through singing

A bitch fight over a Christmas tree leads to love. 

Synopsis:


An interim superintendent, Eve Morgan, is hired 10 days before Christmas to make massive budget cuts for the school district of Franklin without oversight, public voting or state approval. Coincidently, Franklin is also her hometown! What are the odds?! While not doing any actual work for this position, Eve falls in love with a single father who teaches music at the school she is set out to destroy.  Eve also has a dead dad who never finished his last Christmas song which leads her to rethink giving up her singing dreams and indiscriminately cutting art programs around the country.  Again ignoring work, Eve decides to band together with hot, single dad and throw a Christmas Eve concert to save arts, music and joy throughout Franklin.

Favorite Line:

Eve: And if that doesn't work, close your eyes and pretend you're somewhere else. People will think you're really passionate.

That was Eve's sage singing advice to a little girl with stage fright. No, really. We're not kidding.

Random Thoughts We Had During this Movie: 

So the two main characters, Eve and Liam, who are supposed to fall in love, "meet cute" by talking about another couple's coffee-spilling "meet cute." I hate this movie already.

They made such a big deal out of the bakery's Christmas decorations that you better be able to see these bakery lights from space.

Lighting the star on the top of the Christmas tree is what makes Franklin unique? Do they not know what Christmas is? Have they ever left Franklin and/or watched a Christmas movie? Every town has a tree lighting. Every one.

Beth: Does the interim superintendent not get an office?
Laura: Apparently the interim superintendent's office is the entire town of Franklin.
Beth: I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.
Laura: Hallmark doesn't care. Why should we?
Beth: Good point.
Laura: She also doesn't seem to be doing any work. She spent two seconds looking at the budget and said 'CUT ALL OF THE ARTS!' I wish jobs in real life were as easy as jobs in the Hallmarkverse
Beth: Everything is always easier in the Hallmark World. Remember the movie where Lacey Chabert entered a gingerbread baking competition and never actually practiced or baked anything for it?

These children have zero talent. No wonder Eve wants to cut the music program.

Is that skating rink in the school? I think we've found the reason the Franklin school district is massively hemorrhaging money.

Instead of selling the aforementioned skating rink, Eve and Liam decide they need to throw a Christmas Eve concert to save the district's art and music programs. It's like Franklin's version of Live-Aid. Except with over-privileged, talentless hacks and a mediocre cause.

Mayor Snodgrass has a music-loving nephew named, Dwayne. Dwayne Snodgrass is the best name in the history of names.

Dwayne Snodgrass is also the best tuba player in the district. Because, why wouldn't he be?

"We need the mayor's support for our terrible Christmas concert and Dwayne Snodgrass is our best chance!"

Oh, look! Eve is going to perform at the Christmas concert with Liam's incompetent, stage-fright inflicted daughter and find out that she really does love singing after all. Hallmark is telling us that you need to give up your dreams only to rediscover them years later when it is far too late to make a career out of them.

Wait. Dwayne Snodgrass is a mute tuba playing genius AND he can secretly sing like an angel?

How is it possible that the San Diego Board of Ed is so desperate for Eve to take over their school for six months and cut their arts programs that they call her and offer her the job on Christmas Eve when the school is clearly closed?

Why is she weeping uncontrollably about this job offer? Either stay on as Franklin's permanent superintendent and be with your one true love or go to San Diego for six months. This is not a tough decision, Eve.

The culmination of this movie is Eve spilling coffee on Liam to prove her love?? UGH. Franklin's mating ritual is people throwing hot coffee on each other. The entire town just walks around with coffee stains on their clothing and third-degree burns. I hate this town and everything it stands for.

Conclusion: This movie should have been about Dwayne Snodgrass saving Christmas while playing the tuba. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Crown For Christmas

The Sweetest Christmas

Coming Home for Christmas