Hallmark Holidaze: Movie Reviews from The Heart or Something

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Tragic widower with a young daughter and a heart of gold Tragic army widow who lost her husband in the line of duty Animal brings a couple together Flirty/romantic ice skating scene Uses picking out a Christmas Tree as a metaphor for finding love Flirty/romantic christmas tree decorating scene Have you ever wanted something that didn't belong to you, even if it's a living being? According to the Christmas Shepherd , you can keep anything you want- as long as you declare it a part of your family first- without any legal recourse, social repercussions, or even personal judgement from the original owner.  STEALING THINGS IS MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS TRADITION! Synopsis: Girl loses dog. Boy finds dog. Boy's daughter refuses to give dog back even though the dog is NOT HER DOG. It takes 2 hours, a terrifying (or flirty) ice skating debacle, and a mind-boggling  ass-shaking, hot chocolate-stirring scene for girl to get dog b

Hallmark Holiday Checklist : Has the REAL Santa!  The Northpole is losing its christmas magic due to children all over the world not believing in Santa and/or the christmas spirit and thus Christmas might be cancelled FOREVER and EVER Uses picking out a Christmas Tree as a metaphor for finding love Evil  developer wanting to tear down cute and charming town park or historical site in order to build condos or other buildings fueled by evil Flirty/romantic ice skating scene A Nutcracker Suite montage with characters doing christmas-y things.  Hallmark has been flooding their channel with advertisements for this movie every  commercial  break, proclaiming loudly and with wild and reckless abandon that Northpole is THE MOST ANTICIPATED MOVIE of the Holiday season. Prior to starting this blog, we had no idea this was the case but Beth must have been subconsciously (and diabolically) taken over by Hallmark as she "accidentally" bought Northpole merchandise at CVS, bliss

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist A Character whose parents taught her the meaning of true love and she won't settle for anything less (seriously, that's three movies in a row now) Tragic widower with a young daughter and a heart of gold  A charming little small town Christmas Festival that's the biggest event of the year A Nutcracker Suite montage with characters doing christmas-y things.  A main character says "All I want for Christmas is you." with a straight face Are you horrible at baking and friendship but still long for that single dad with the tragic back story? Then you need to stop what you are doing right now and watch A Cookie Cutter Christmas !  MY LIFE IS SADLY LACKING A COOKIE BAKING  NEMESIS! Synopsis:  Two rival teachers who have been mortal enemies since their epic Christmas Concert dueling duet debacle at age eight try to destroy each other while competing to win a holiday baking contest AND the affections of a handsome singl

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Character who is emotionally crippled by their parents bitter divorce and vows vehemently never to love again Character whose parents showed them the meaning of true love and now they can never settle for anything less Overly enthusiastic (and frequent mentions) of the Christmas Spirit Under-the-mistletoe make-out scene Uses picking out a Christmas Tree as a metaphor for finding love Best friends who tell it like it is (this movie has TWO!)  Are you a sucker for a story about a super handsome guy, whose parents' divorce caused him to write off love forever ( FOREVER! ), and a beautiful, true-love believing woman who wears incredibly frumpy, man-sweaters and although she is smart, beautiful, able to hook up a stove, and re-grout a sink has NO IDEA she is everyone's ideal woman? If you answered yes to the above question, then The Nine Lives of Christmas is the Hallmark movie for you!  MEETING CUTE! WITH CATS! Synopsis:   Firefi

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist: Character named Holly and/or some other Christmas derivative Character breaks down/gets lost/ gets trapped with a stranger who could be their soulmate Workaholic boyfriend Character whose parents who showed them the meaning of true love and they could never settle for anything less Flirty/romantic ice skating scene Bosses making their employees go to their extravagant Christmas Eve parties instead of being at home with their families  Christmas proposal    One Starry Christmas  has all of the above and COWBOYS! OMG SPONTANEOUS LINE DANCING AT A CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY!   The Synopsis: An aspiring astronomer (no seriously, an astronomer), who has just written her dissertation on the Cultural Significance of Orion and has a one-dimensional workaholic boyfriend (who chooses jeopardy and a work trip over spending Christmas with her), decides to travel on a rickety bus from Chicago to NewYork and-  surprise, surprise- breaks down with a ha

Dear Readers, We assure you that this blog comes from a place of love and a place of undying respect for the Hallmark Christmas movie script writers. Okay, it may also have something to do with our deep-seeded feelings of inadequacy over our family never having played one game of touch football during the holidays. The Hallmark Families ALWAYS play a rousing, charmingly competitive game filled with laughter, shenanigans, and robust men. If our family played such a whimsical game, it would probably look more like a scene from The Walking Dead  (just look at the flowers, Lizzie) than a Hallmark movie . But we digress. Having cast aside our shattered dreams of one day writing a Hallmark Christmas movie of our very own, we have settled (over many, many text messages and several gallons of wine) for writing reviews about these heart-warming, cozying-up-next-to-a-fire-on-a-sunday-with-hot-cocoa movies. What do these reviews entail? Hallmark premiered its first Holiday movie on Nove