Posts

Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe

Image
Hallmark Tagline:

"Darcy Fitzwilliam thought she had it all. But this Christmas, she'll find out what she's been missing."

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
A flirty snowball fightA flirty Christmas tree decorating sceneA small-town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the yearTragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spiritPhone call or conversation that is overheard and misinterpreted, forcing a character to leave true love behindUnder the mistletoe make-out scene

Synopsis:

We didn't think Hallmark could bring even more shame upon"Pride and Prejudice" but, alas, we underestimated their power to blatantly disregard the exceptional plot of Jane Austin's magnum opus. In a shocking twist of literary hijinx, Darcy Fitzwilliam is actually a GIRL. A girl investment banker with her OWN firm! In between fighting for the investment rights of her favorite hot dog vendor and wowing big clients with her stunning work…

Christmas at Graceland

Image
Hallmark Tagline:

"There's no place like home- especially Elvis' home."

No. Just no.

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:

A flirty snowball fightA flirty Christmas tree decorating sceneA flirty cookie or gingerbread decoration sceneA flirty ice skating sceneBig, looming corporation that threatens to either build some sort of development on precious town land or close down a treasured local business by ChristmasTragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spirit
Synopsis:

Laurel is the VP of some sort of Chicago based company that has no clear purpose except for buying beloved local banks by Christmas Eve. While on a business trip to Memphis, she closes no deals but she does prance around Graceland with her precocious daughter and her concert promoting ex-boyfriend, Clay.  Handsome, rice crispy baking Clay is great with kids, throws Christmas Eve concerts and ALSO happens to be her once-upon-a-time singing partner. Whatever will Laurel do?

Favorite Line:

Katy The In…

It's Christmas, Eve

Image
"It's Christmas, Eve" tagline:

"This Christmas, unfinished business becomes the greatest gift she never expected."

We still don't know what her unfinished business was.

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:

A tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spiritA character named after some sort of Christmas derivativeWorkaholic woman or man who no longer believes in the magic of ChristmasA flirty Christmas tree decorating sceneCharacter rediscovers her/his love of Christmas through singing

Synopsis:


An interim superintendent, Eve Morgan, is hired 10 days before Christmas to make massive budget cuts for the school district of Franklin without oversight, public voting or state approval. Coincidently, Franklin is also her hometown! What are the odds?! While not doing any actual work for this position, Eve falls in love with a single father who teaches music at the school she is set out to destroy.  Eve also has a dead dad who never finished his last Christm…

Christmas at Pemberley Manor

Image
Fios Description of Christmas at Pemberley Manor:

A rich man falls back in love with Christmas and a party planner.

We wanted to include the tagline here, as in previous blog posts, but we couldn't find one and chose the grammatically incorrect Fios description instead. You're welcome.

Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
A small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year Workaholic woman or man who no longer believes in the magic of ChristmasA flirty Christmas tree decorating sceneA man who may or may not be the REAL SantaBig, looming corporation that is a threat to small-town life because they want to either build some sort of development on precious town land or close down a treasured local business and/or factory by Christmas

Synopsis:
Hallmark kicks off their holiday season by re-telling one of the most epic love stories in literary history. What can possibly go wrong?  
Elizabeth Bennett is a party planner from a prestigious New York fir…

Switched for Christmas

Image
Switched for Christmas tagline: 

"This holiday Candice Cameron Bure and Candice Cameron Bure star as twins who swap lives and discover Christmas is better when they work together."

Boy, Hallmark is getting lazier with their taglines.


Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
Tragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spiritA small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year Workaholic woman/man who no longer believes in the magic of ChristmasA Christmas music montage with characters doing Christmas-y thingsA gingerbread house or cookie decorating sceneUnder the mistletoe make-out sceneA flirty ice-skating scene



Synopsis:

Full disclosure, there were six of us watching Switched at Christmas and copious amounts of red wine were consumed (see picture below). There was a lot of laughter, disbelief and general disgust so the notes are few and the gaping plot holes are many.

T.V.'s D. J. Tanner plays twins, who had a falling out for rea…

Coming Home for Christmas

Image
Coming Home for Christmas tagline: 

"Danica McKellar is decking the halls and Neil Bledsoe could really use some holiday spirit. But it may be working a little too well."

I don't even know what this means.


Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
Character who is so completely obsessed with Christmas that he/she beats everyone around them into submission, eventually infusing them with "The Holiday Spirit"A flirty snowball fightTragic dead parent who was the embodiment of the holiday spiritCharacter named after some sort of Christmas derivativeExtravagant Christmas Eve party that everyone attends instead of being at home with their familiesDown on her luck girl loses her job right before Christmas 
Synopsis:
This movie is like Pride and Prejudice met The Christmas Carol and had a bastard child named A Crown for Christmas, which is Danica McKellar's Hallmark Christmas movie circa 2015, and then it married its second cousin, and had another out-of-wedlock baby and named …

The Sweetest Christmas

Image
The Sweetest Christmas tagline: 

"Hallmark Channel is serving up the perfect holiday treat. Now she'll need a little help to make her sweetest dreams come true."


Hallmark Holiday Movie Checklist:
A flirty Christmas tree decorating sceneA flirty snowball fightA handsome/beautiful single father/mother who runs their family business due to personal tragedyA small town Christmas tradition/festival/competition that is the biggest event of the year (THE American Gingerbread Competition, bitches!) 
Synopsis:
Kylie, who gave up her dream of becoming a chef for reasons that don't make much sense, works for her not-quite-right-for-her boyfriend's company Hockey Homes. Over a romantic dinner at her ex-boyfriend Nick's restaurant, Alex decides to ask Kylie to be his... office manager. Confused? Yeah, we were too. Because it's totally normal to blindfold someone, make them walk over rose petals and lead them to a romantic dinner just to ask them to be your office manager.…